These are words I have heard often at church, but I have had
so much trouble practicing them in real life.
Before kids, I was so busy making money and bettering my career that I
didn’t take the time to breathe and really listen to what God was telling me to
do. I was Type A all the way, always
taking control and very reluctant to let others help me or take something over. Then my grandfather passed away. I thought about how I missed the opportunity
to let him be a part of my kids lives and I also realized that family was way
more important than a raise or a fancy office.
Something in me changed and I realized that I couldn’t be happy
maintaining what I had been doing the past few years. I started to let some things go – and as I
began giving that control over, I realized that little by little I was becoming
content.
When kids came, I was not the only one worried about how I
would react to the situation based on my past behavior. Would I be anxious all the time, would I constantly
be holding myself to some ridiculous super mom standard? I was a prime candidate for post partum
depression. Surprisingly enough, I
became more mellow when Aubrey got here.
Yes, I was very anxious those first couple of months, but the more that
we got into a groove, the more at peace that I felt. I found myself praying more and feeling more
in tune with my spirituality. Having
kids has brought me closer to God, which makes me even more thankful that Aubs
and Nick are in my life. I started
following my gut more, which has lead to us deciding to have Nick and also to
me staying at home – both changes that have proved to be very positive. Recently, I got a great compliment from
someone who told me that I was Type A, but I have learned to let go. For someone who has struggled with letting go
for so long, it was great to hear.
All of that being said, I decided to write this post after
bringing a meal to some friends of mine that just had their first baby. I found myself remembering that anxiety when
we first brought Aubrey home and how we constantly were second guessing
ourselves when it came to taking care of her.
With Nick, everything seems so much easier. I think it’s because we just don’t worry as
much – we know that babies are stronger than we think and that no matter what
we do right now, we can’t spoil him or damage him for life. I think you just learn to
let go of the things that you can’t control, and do the best you can with those things you can control.
I remember the days when Aubrey was teeny tiny and I would
be so proud of myself for emptying the dishwasher because I was so afraid to
put her down. This time around, the day
Joey headed back to work I managed 2 loads of laundry, cleaning the kitchen and
getting dinner ready. It’s amazing how
things change the second time around. I
do still try to find time to snuggle with both of my babies, and I know that it
will be a challenge over the next few months to get a best balance for all of
us, but I know Nick's going to sleep whether he's on me or in his swing.
I am so grateful to God for how my life has turned out, and
I am working every day to honor Him and please Him in how I live my life.
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